My Letter of Recommendation for Gordon Brown for the Post of Social Worker

Dear Head of Council,

I have been asked to write a letter of recommendation for Mr Gordon Brown and I am very pleased to do so. Gordon has been employed by UK Limited as Prime Minister from June 27, 2007 to May 11, 2010. His responsibilities included defending the interests of the City, playing down the Iraq War and discrediting New Labour to the last. He achieved this triple target to perfection. Thanks to him, the colossal private debt of the banks was transferred to the public purse, the British Army is now bogged down in Afghanistan without any hope of an honourable ending, and the Tories have just formed their government.

Gordon’s qualities are so numerous that I do not know which I should cite first. Indisputably, he is very thick-skinned: he can endure criticism with rare stoicism and to some extent he can only be compared to Saint Sebastian, except that the arrows of opprobrium pierce him without killing him. His spirit of sacrifice is breathtaking: he shoulders alone the disastrous legacy of New Labour, letting his comrade Tony enjoy the prestige of a fake economic boom. Above all, his human qualities in political combat command respect: he has constantly rejected any dishonest dealings to combat his opponents, and it was not his fault if his former closest advisor Damian McBride resorted to calumny to damage the personal reputation of some Conservative MPs. His biggest weakness was to sometimes lend a sympathetic ear to the last crypto-communists of the country, for instance when he childishly decided to raise the top income tax rate from 40% to 50%, which only Kim Jong-il, overseas, could do nowadays; but this foolishness is easily forgivable, in memory of his generous, unselfish devotion to talented bankers and philanthropic markets during the last thirteen years.

Gordon has decided to move since there was no miracle in the polls last week for the prolongation of his working contract at the head of UK Limited. Considering his great deeds, I would not hesitate to recommend him for the post of social worker in Anglesey, Wales. According to OECD’s data, Anglesey is the most deprived area in the whole of the United Kingdom, with a GDP per capita nine times lower than in Inner London. When he got his job in 2007, Gordon stated, “It is time to train British workers for the British jobs that will be available over the coming few years.” Well said! I imagine that, as British PM, Gordon has trained himself enough to deal with the effects of the strong inegalitarian policy he has implemented.

Yours faithfully,

Emmanuel Quilgars


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