Tag Archives: New Labour

My Letter of Recommendation for Gordon Brown for the Post of Social Worker

Dear Head of Council,

I have been asked to write a letter of recommendation for Mr Gordon Brown and I am very pleased to do so. Gordon has been employed by UK Limited as Prime Minister from June 27, 2007 to May 11, 2010. His responsibilities included defending the interests of the City, playing down the Iraq War and discrediting New Labour to the last. He achieved this triple target to perfection. Thanks to him, the colossal private debt of the banks was transferred to the public purse, the British Army is now bogged down in Afghanistan without any hope of an honourable ending, and the Tories have just formed their government. Continue reading

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Scandale aux Communes : cabale, catharsis ou cataclysme ?

Au milieu de la faillite générale du Royaume-Uni, le scandale des notes de frais agit comme une bombe à déflagration lente : on ne sait trop quels seront ses effets à long terme sur la vie politique et institutionnelle du pays, mais on sait qu’ils seront importants. Plusieurs grilles de lecture se superposent et se concurrencent pour lui donner un sens – cabale de conservateurs anti-européens, dérive populiste des médias, catharsis démocratique, implosion du leadership néolibéral –, chacune mettant en avant un aspect particulier de l’affaire. Examinons-les dans l’ordre. Continue reading

Le Tory qui murmurait à l’oreille des canards

Quand sera retombée toute la poussière du prodigieux scandale des notes de frais qui touche la chambre des Communes depuis maintenant deux mois, ce sont bien sûr les dépenses les plus extravagantes qui resteront dans les mémoires, au premier rang desquelles celles du député conservateur Peter Viggers, qui aura quand même poussé l’amour des bêtes jusqu’à vouloir faire payer par le contribuable une maison flottante pour les canards dans sa propriété de l’Hampshire. C’est d’ailleurs avec ces volatiles désormais fameux que le Daily Telegraph a ouvert son hors-série du samedi 20 juin consacré au scandale, The Complete Expenses Files : en bas à droite de la couverture, sur un fond noir uniforme, une tête de canard se détache malicieusement. Continue reading

My Letter to Alistair Darling: The Pan Has Been Stolen!

Dear Alistair,

Firstly, thank you again for having let me stay at your little bungalow in Edinburgh for the last three months. I have really enjoyed the convenience of this modest residence, specially Mark and Spencer’s furniture, whose elegant simplicity perfectly suits a Labour grandee. Moreover, I’m very impressed not only by your personal hospitality for a French traveller, but also by your public action as Chancellor to make accommodation easy for the holders of euros: with the pound so low and a real-estate market so depressed, who can still say that you don’t try to attract foreign purchasers to Britain? Continue reading

Love in the Time of New Labour

The marvellous love story between Miss Bird and Mr Fish began with a car crash at a crossroads near East Croydon station. Miss Bird was speaking on the phone to her best friend, Mrs Hook, and so forgot temporarily the rules of driving, which caused severe damage to Mr Fish’s Aston Martin. When he got out of his car (or rather of the remains of his car), he was really annoyed, all the more so since it was the second time this year that a female driver had hit his £200,000-vehicle. But his anger disappeared immediately as soon as his eyes saw Miss Bird’s face. “It was like seeing Venus herself,” he would say later to his psychoanalyst. As for Miss Bird, she was very annoyed too, because it was the second time this week she hit a sports car near East Croydon station. But her embarrassment disappeared immediately as soon as her eyes saw Mr Fish’s bald skull. “It was like seeing Yul Brynner himself,” she would say later to Mrs Hook. In a single word, it was love at first sight for both of them.

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