Dear Head of Council,
I have been asked to write a letter of recommendation for Mr Gordon Brown and I am very pleased to do so. Gordon has been employed by UK Limited as Prime Minister from June 27, 2007 to May 11, 2010. His responsibilities included defending the interests of the City, playing down the Iraq War and discrediting New Labour to the last. He achieved this triple target to perfection. Thanks to him, the colossal private debt of the banks was transferred to the public purse, the British Army is now bogged down in Afghanistan without any hope of an honourable ending, and the Tories have just formed their government. Continue reading
Who could ever have believed that, for the bicentenary of Charles Darwin’s birth, the most famous of English naturalists would be recognized as the fifth evangelist by the Roman Catholic Church? But this astounding event was bound to happen after an unpublished manuscript of Darwin was discovered by sheer luck in a cave in Sinai one year ago. This amazing document, written both in Aramaic and Koine Greek – two languages Darwin was known to have mastered –, has fortunately nothing to do with the theory of evolution or other nonsense, but records the life of the son of God in a typically biblical style. It took less than six months for the most eminent theologians of the Vatican to conclude that this text was inspired by the Divine Spirit and to include it in the set of books constituting the New Testament canon. Continue reading
The marvellous love story between Miss Bird and Mr Fish began with a car crash at a crossroads near East Croydon station. Miss Bird was speaking on the phone to her best friend, Mrs Hook, and so forgot temporarily the rules of driving, which caused severe damage to Mr Fish’s Aston Martin. When he got out of his car (or rather of the remains of his car), he was really annoyed, all the more so since it was the second time this year that a female driver had hit his £200,000-vehicle. But his anger disappeared immediately as soon as his eyes saw Miss Bird’s face. “It was like seeing Venus herself,” he would say later to his psychoanalyst. As for Miss Bird, she was very annoyed too, because it was the second time this week she hit a sports car near East Croydon station. But her embarrassment disappeared immediately as soon as her eyes saw Mr Fish’s bald skull. “It was like seeing Yul Brynner himself,” she would say later to Mrs Hook. In a single word, it was love at first sight for both of them.